Courage

In doing this study, God gave me a great AH HA moment that I was just sharing with my daughter last night. In all my past attempts to lose weight, there has always been that magic number I wanted to get to. However, as soon as I saw some progress that I could cling to, I would settle and give up. This always fed the negative talk track that has been constant in my life. So, I always held up that ‘magic number’. If I could just persevere and get to that goal, my life would be golden. My AH HA moment came when I realized that I needed much more than that. I needed to change my lifestyle for good, not reach some number on the scale. And that floored me, I didn’t see how I could do that. Really it was that moment that solidified my need for God in this struggle and that was where courage showed up. Courage to admit that I couldn’t do it, courage to reach out and ask God, courage to trust him enough to listen and follow, courage to give up the dream of that magic number and golden life, and finally courage to stop the negative tape running over and over in my head and replace it with good thoughts. Courage to recognize the good things about myself and build up rather than tear down. Thank you LORD for all the courage you have poured into me i 6 short weeks, and the love that you followed it up with. This has truly been a life changing study and now that my eyes have been opened, I know I will not go back.. But I need courage daily to remain firm in you to make sure I don’t stall out and keep going on the path as I experience success. I don’t want that old pattern of settling for a small success, I want to reach the vision YOU have of me.

I AM #EMPOWERED

Here I am starting the Made to Crave bible study. I haven't always been overweight but I have struggled with weight issues since my early teen years. Over the past 10 years my weight has gone up and down. I've had bouts where I've successfully lost weight and kept it off. But never have I got to my goal weight. I always give up before getting there. And slowly but surely the weight creeps back on. In 2013 I started the year off really strong, going good until April and then it all fell apart again. 

You need to know this because it sets the stage for where I was coming into this study - DISCOURAGED! UNMOTIVATED! DRAGGED INTO IT KICKING & SCREAMING. Yup, I'm afraid to admit, that's me. I had signed up for the study, and if you read my post 'God, Me & P31', you'll understand a bit better why I knew I had to do this study. But I really didn't want to. Empowered I was NOT.

I believe in being honest with God. He knows anyway so what's the point of trying to pretend? I did cry out to him, telling him that I don't have hope, I don't feel empowered, I don't see how doing this study is going to change anything. I've already read the book, so what is there to change anyway. But I know that this is his direction for me, so I will take it step by step. I will sign on each day. I will pray and ask him to show me the steps for that day. I will - with his help - make an effort to do what he is asking me to do. I will be an active participant in my small Facebook group. I will need his help and support more than ever.

So day 1 comes. I get up and sign onto the blog. The first thing God shows me is that really, I haven't read the book. I've read the first few chapters and then put it down. Okay, that's true. He asks me to keep an open mind, take it one day at a time. Okay, I can do that.

Sunday I make my breakfast & lunches for the week. I know that if I do this I'll stick to my plan, if not I'll eat junk.

So I feel him asking me to do 3 things - get back to exercising on the treadmill, stick to my breakfast/lunch plan and start logging my food on My Fitness Pal. Basically brushing myself off and picking up where I started last year, Okay, I did that.

Tuesday comes, I wake up with a killer migraine. I don't exercise, but I do follow the bible study and log my food. Well, I sort of log my food as both days I start off great and then it dwindles as I never really log my dinner meal.

So now it's Wednesday. Discouragement has set in. Really, I can't even keep on track for 3 days, how pathetic is that! I don't want to get up, I don't want to do the study, I don't want to exercise. I DO want to give up. But I know that's not what God wants. No matter how I feel about myself, I can't deliberately bring myself to completely disobey something I KNOW he is telling me to do. So I get up. I still don't want to exercise, but I tell myself - one step at a time - bible study. Read chapter 2. Yes, I know I've already read it several times over the years, but I will read it again and ask God to give me a fresh view of it. Help me to keep an open mind. So I read it. Next I tell myself to bite the bullet and just go down to the treadmill. How hard can it be? So reluctantly, that's what I do. What difference will it really make? Who knows, but God has asked me to do it.

About 3 steps in, God hits me between the eyes with a huge revelation that craving food is not my issue. My issue is low self esteem. He took me by the hand and showed me how the enemy has been filling my head with lies, beating me down with my perceived failures, that he so generously points out. So that's my picture for Wednesday - me on the treadmill bawling and praising God simultaneously, walking despite the fact I just want to crumble at his feet and weep.

Now it's a day later, I'm still not completely on track but I know that that's okay. God is accepting me right here - where I am today. I am EMPOWERED by his love and his strength. I have kicked the enemy to the curb. I've asked God to help me be diligent in guarding my thoughts. I will not allow his lies to define who I am. I am a child of the KING and I am empowered. Beyond that, I'm still processing his 'Big Reveal' and trying to comprehend it fully.

God, Me & P31

I have a little story that I wanted to share. Back in 2010, for my 50th birthday I asked my family for a Kindle. As a family that loves & treasures books, this was a big step and met with much resistance, as if I'd joined 'the dark side'. But Mom got what she asked for, and my lovely new Kindle arrived.

We were already loyal customers of Amazon in Canada and I had quite a history on my account of books that I had purchased. However, at that time the Kindle was only handled out of Amazon US, so I had to set up a secondary account to purchase ebooks.

The day finally comes and I eagerly unpacked my new gadget. I turn it on and start exploring. I connect to the online store and click on 'recommended for you', curious about what will come up.

There was one suggestion - only one - Made to Crave. Not even the actual book, but a 30 day devotional issue that was being offered free. Now, let's unpack this a bit more. This is really unthinkable that this would be the ONLY suggestion. At no time had I entered anything on my account that would identify me as either Christian or someone struggling with a weight battle. Amazon offers TONS of free books, I am a prime candidate for romance books, general fiction, etc. There was no doubt in my mind that this was God sending me a message - LOUD AND CLEAR.

So, of course I downloaded the book. I even followed it for a few days. I got as far as the part where Lysa explains that this is not a 'diet plan' book, that I needed to find an eating plan that worked for me. Well, I didn't have one. Then I decided at that point to purchase the actual book. I purchased it, read a few chapters and moved on to something else.

So I've never gotten any further than that with Made to Crave, but that little book has completely changed my life. I discovered P31 Women through that. I checked them out on the web and found that they had online prayer groups. All my life God has blessed me immensely. I gave my life to him when I was 23 and at that time he brought all kinds of Christian friends into my life. Over the years, the closeness of those friendships has dwindled. Some have fallen away, some have moved away and others have drifted away. At 50, I found myself really craving some good Christian women in my life that I could really be open with. Women that I could share & support, that would support me in return. Hence, the idea of online groups sounded really appealing. I joined 2 groups, one was really active and then shortly after just seemed to stop, but the other one was active and welcoming. I switched my 2nd group to another one, but that too just didn't seem to be such a great fit. God answered my desire with the one original group. What an amazing group of ladies I have found. About a year into the group, P31 decided to get out of that format and move in a different direction. Our group has remained together, coordinated by our great group leader. God's timing was so perfect, getting me into that group and settled.

Then in 2013, I found out about P31's OBS studies. I did one - What happens when women say yes to God. Again, this came around at the perfect time in my life. I had just read a book called Anything along the same vein. Again a book that God drew my attention to in a similar way as Made to Crave. It was a great study, but I was too late signing up to get into a small group. Fantastic study, it's set the groundwork for what I know in my heart is going to be a breakthrough 2014! 

The next study came along and because I was on the waiting list for a small group, I was actually assigned to 3 different groups in error. I'm sure it was a great study, but it was a time of family change as my son prepared to go out on mission for a year and other things were vying for my attention. In the end, I didn't end up doing the study, but through that I 'picked' group 15 as my small group. Don't ask me how I picked that group, because I really don't know. I will only tell you that it was God working for me. I know that I deliberately picked that one, there was something that made that group appeal to me, but it must have been the Spirit guiding me. Again, what perfect timing. Here it is, a few months later and there is such a waiting list it's doubtful I would get assigned a group if I was just signing up now.

So, here I am. I'm doing the Made to Crave study with my new group. Already I feel so at home in this group, I know without a doubt that God has brought me here. I also know that ironically, 4 years later, God has brought me full circle back to Made to Crave. My group leader asked about a week ago if we all had our books yet. I chucked with God at that one! Yes, I've had mine for 4 years, just waiting for this moment. There was a discussion amongst the group about book vs ebook, with the general consensus that most of the group preferred having the actual book. Again I chuckled as I was reading those comments. I can completely understand as I also love books but for this one, I'm more than happy with my ebook version.Weight has been a struggle for me since my teens, God knows this. He has a plan to do great things. I can't wait, so excited for this journey, this new group, my great prayer group, and any other blessings that God has yet to reveal - a journey that stated with one free book on my new Kindle - that my family was reluctant to get me. What a Mighty & Wonderful God we serve.

NEED ~ My Word for 2014

I know what I need to do this year - I need to  put my life on a diet - my eating, my finances, my lifestyle - but then I knew that last year and it didn't happen. What can I do differently so that next year when I sit down to write a similar entry, my words will be different? Instead of figuring out how to succeed, I want to be reviewing my success and figuring out how to duplicate it again for the coming year.

So On Jan 2nd, when I had my morning quiet time, that was my prayer. The answer is to have a focus - something simple that reminds me and helps me keep on track. So I turned to my bible app and did a search on Simplicity. That brought me to a 4 day devotional study that guides you to find a word - just one word - that will be your focus for the year. Pray and ask God to show you the word that he has for you. It can be anything, maybe one of the spiritual disciplines or one of the fruits of the spirit. Whatever it is, it should be meaningful and motivating.

In my case, my word is "need". Such a small, significant & powerful little word. As I focus on it, I realize that it cuts sharp like a knife. How do things measure up - are they an actual need or are they a want? Wow, my word calls me to a higher level of honesty with myself. Do I really need that, or is it more something that I want? If I give in to my wants, what effect does that have on my needs? Can I afford a particular want? I think that this is going to be a long journey, but very exciting. My word is simple and easy to use, applicable to so much that I am dealing with. I feel God will use this in a very powerful way. Already it has started to redefine my priorities, rethinking some of my long held beliefs.

So this is my focus for 2014. Need - the scale with which I will weigh my life for the coming year. Do you have a word? If you need focus the way that I do, then I invite you to join me. Ask God to show you what word he has for you, then sit back and be amazed at the power that can be found in a word - the power that God infuses into your life.

Psalm 119: 65 MSG

Be good to your servant, God; be as good as your Word

Train me in good common sense;

I'm thoroughly committed to living your way.

Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place,

But now I'm in step with your Word.

You are good, and the source of all good;

Train me in your goodness.

Psalm 27:4 GNT

I have asked the Lord for one thing;

One thing only do I want;

To live in the Lord's house all  my life,

To marvel there at his goodness,

And to ask for his guidance.

Another September comes to a close...

Well, it seems like fall is making its appearance. This week is in the 20's but there is still that crispness that heralds the coming of the cooler seasons. The end of another summer. The weather wasn't the best this year but it was a great summer nonetheless. Lots of time spent around the pool & the fire pit. Visits with friends and family. The usual outings such as the CNE and Tiff. 

This was a memorable summer for us in so many ways. The trip to the Middle East, Jessica's move to her own apartment, and Robert's move into a missionary capacity, our trip to Chicago and the time spent together. The great send off. Now as we move into fall the house is emptier as the chicks learn to stretch their wings and fly. Lord I so thank you for the wonderful blessing of family that you've given me. They are so precious and far outweigh any hardship I may have endured. I thank you that both the kids reach out to you in trust and faith, waiting on you for direction. What a blessing to my mother's heart. 

And then there's Derek, my life and soul mate, made and set aside specifically for me, my perfect match. Lord I pray that one day the kids will each have their own chance to experience these joys of family for themselves. 

Lord as we enter the next busy season - both in time and in our lives - I pray that your favor would be upon us. Be with us at home, at work and in our various communities, working in and through us. Help us to demonstrate your love to our families. Be with me over the next few months as I travel for work. Be with Jessica in her new job and I pray you would bring good Christian contacts into her life Lord. Give her a desire to seek out a church. May Robert's experiences be an inspiration and tool for you to speak into her life.

Lord I also lift up Robert and all his house mates. Lord be with them, direct them, strengthen them and keep them safe. Work in the hearts of those in their community that the word they deliver would not come back barren but would take root and grow. Lord we lift up Robert's financial support need and trust that you will move in a mighty way. Lord you are the great provider and we are trusting you to meet his all his needs, while teaching him at the same time as you showed me clearly you would. 

Hearing God - and obeying him...

I have been spending a lot more time in prayer these days, especially dealing with Robert's impending mission. And I have been hearing God a lot. Has it been more? Has it been clearer? That I really can't say with certainty. I talk to God a lot and I know that I hear his voice regularly, so I don't know that that has really changed. Upon reflection, I think it's more that I am hearing the messages that aren't as palatable a bit more clearly. God is calling me to 'step it up a notch' and I am hearing those messages more. I don't think the messages are new, I think my attitude has changed and I'm realizing I need to listen and obey on those points too. Maybe in the past I have been too quick to disregard, or rationalize them off, or simply & frankly ignore them. Sorry LORD, I realize that you have been calling me and I have chosen to say 'no'. Today, I am saying 'yes' knowing that it is beyond me and calling on you to help me to be obedient. I realize that you are correct, you have given me all the tools that I need, and have provided guidance and help, but I have have nonchalantly been going my own way instead of following your path.

Yesterday, God got my attention. I was driving home and had our local news station on the radio. This is what I always listen to on the way home. But something in my spirit urged me to change to the Christian radio station. At first I gave a light protest - it's always just music at this time, I don't particularly like the music they play. The nudge continued so I switched over. After a few ads, In Touch came on. I had been hoping for Walk in the Word. Again I was tempted to change the channel but stopped. The message started and I realized it was about health. How God cares not only for our spiritual and emotional health, but also for our physical bodies. Ok, my physical body is currently in bad shape. Pastor was talking about how our bodies will be resurrected like Christ's body was. I had never heard this before and frankly I'm not sure I believe this, but a terrible thought came into my head. God said to me, what if when you're resurrected you are resurrected in your current body. Is this how you want to present yourself to me? Is that how you want to be for eternity? Shock & horror at that moment was overwhelming. I realized God was calling me to much better that I am settling for. I need to get healthy and lose weight. God is giving me a direction and it is very clear and I need to say YES. But it is also very scary. I don't know that I can do it. In fact that's not true - I feel that I really can't do it, that I am weak and undisciplined and will surely fail. But everything I'm reading is telling me that God will help me and give me the strength. He will prop me up and help me. Will he give me the self-discipline? I'm not sure about that, I think that has to come from me, but I do know that if I can learn to lean on him and follow his guiding, I can and will succeed. I know that he has given me the tools - a naturopath who has outlined a diet and exercise plan, access to healthy nourishing food, the knowledge and tools to prepare the food he has provided, a membership to the fitness centre, a husband who is supportive. But I still have to say that this is really scary to me right now. When do I start? Does this mean I can't have a drink once in a while? How strict does this have to be? Where exactly do I start? The enemy is attacking me over this, bringing in self-doubt and a lot of questions. I will choose to ask God to guide me in my choices TODAY! I will listen and CHOOSE to follow him. I will acknowledge that it IS his voice and remember I need to say YES.
I need a lot of prayer around this!! I need a few verses and to remember that if I am obedient I will be amazed at the results.

Say Yes - Say WHAT???

This has been one of the hardest weeks I can remember. I don't even know why it's been so hard, except to speculate that God is teaching me a lesson I really need to learn and it is HARD!!

I am confident that God has called my son to spend a year volunteering in the US. So far everything has fallen into place except for his visa. Twice this past week we have spent the day trying to get this completed. Day 1 was at the US consulate where I later found out his visa application was denied. That was Monday. Wednesday we spend the day at the US/Canada border trying to get it straightened out. 

Admittedly Monday was a disappointment. Wednesday was too, but we got some valuable information that gives us other steps to try. I really feel that God warned me this step would be rocky. Before we even went on Monday, I was uneasy and had prayed about it a lot. God's answer was that hitting a snag was not a sign it wasn't his will and we weren't to give up, but to press on in faith. So I had been forewarned and given the next step. I put in lots of 'prayer hours' this week on this and consistently God is saying - Be still and know that I am God. He is telling me that this is another good learning step for my son. If this is the life he will eventually pursue than he needs these lessons. He needs experience dealing with officials, embassies and border personnel. This all makes sense. When I ask the 5 questions, I can see God's hand in this. Why has it been so hard for me? I don't know exactly, but it has.

Yesterday, he had to hand in his letter of resignation. Time had run out if he was to give them the full 2 weeks notice and still have time to get ready to leave and spend his last weekend with family instead of working. Again God urged me to have faith and trust him, but it was certainly a struggle to help him write that letter knowing the visa isn't resolved.

Again, I really don't know why. In the end, even if it all fell through, what is he really giving up? A dishwasher job 2 days a week. He has experience now and can get other work, so what is really the big deal? And the thing is, he's taking it in stride, it's me that is having the hard time to trust and let go. 

After much soul searching, I know there is no question or option but to say YES LORD, I will be obedient and support him. I helped him write his letter. I haven't even voiced my concerns to him, only to my husband have I shared how hard this has been. And of course, to God. I have been honest with God. I have brought my concerns to him and waited for his answer. I have said Yes. I do trust him. Even if he closes this door, I will still trust him and obey him. I know that he loves my son even more that I do, and he has a plan to complete the good work that he started over 20 years ago in him. More than anything, I know that God's plan for him is soooo much better than any plan I could conceive of for him. So I will trust and wait on God. Thank you LORD for your patience with me. Thank you for listening and guiding me through this week, when so many times I have asked you "Say WHAT??'

Just Say "Yes"

My kids started it... when they were young and they were trying to convince me to agree to something... they would urge me "Just say Yes mommy". I can still hear their young voices saying that to me. Who knew at the time that eventually I'd hear God's spirit urging me "Just say Yes"

But these days I hear it more and more. And I hear him reminding me that he loves me and who asks someone they love to do something bad? After all, would I ask my kids to do something that wasn't good for them or that I knew would turn out great? No, I wouldn't and neither will God.

Last fall, I found myself looking for an opportunity to serve him more. I had been asking him to show me where I could be used and was feeling a bit frustrated at not getting an answer. One weekend we were at the offices of our national Christian broadcasting station. They were celebrating a big anniversary as well as hosting an exhibit of the Jewish tabernacle. Great exhibit, by the way. Anyway , we were in the hallway waiting for our tour to continue when our guide pointed out that we were standing next to the prayer centre, where operators mann the prayer phone lines 24-7. As I stood there, I swore I heard a small voice in my head saying "that would be a good place for you to help me". What, no that couldn't be. After all, I'm the person who HATES talking on the phone. And I like praying in private, not in public. Besides, my prayers are more like conversations with God, not traditional 'pray for you' prayers. And remember that friend who once started their training and said how scary & HEAVY it was? How could that be where you want me to serve?? I'm pretty sure I heard that wrong.

So, I continued on the tour and went home, never saying anything to my husband of what I had felt. But there was that nudging that just wouldn't go away. That sense of unrest, of something hanging, waiting to be completed. I stood it for a couple of days, and could take it no longer. I gingerly told my husband I was thinking about maybe volunteering on the prayer phone lines. I was waiting for it - quite eagerly actually - for his response of disbelief, his assurances that this really didn't fit me and was I sure it was for me. where would I find the time?. Disappointingly, it never came. Instead I got, "Wow honey, that's great. You've wanted to get involved somewhere for a while now." Hmmm, what's with him??? I thought he had my back, does he want me to fail? Or was maybe God really nudging me in this direction. Could I have heard right?

Well, I'm happy to say that I tested the idea on a few more people, and stepped out in faith to say "YES" to God. I was able to do the training at home and scored perfect on each of the 10 segments except for one. Funny thing about that one - I think it was around segment 6 - I was feeling that God was being a bit smug about it all. See, not only can you do it but you're aceing it! So around chapter 6, even though I originally picked all the correct answers on that one too, somehow I talked myself into considering the question from a different angle that could - just possibly - if you looked at it from just this angle - make this other answer equally right. And so, for that segment I managed a 9 out of 10. See God, not entirely perfect ;-)

I now, one night a week after work, am blessed for a few hours to listen as people open up and share their lives, their struggles and their hopes with me. They give me the honor of sharing a prayer with them, sharing verses that God puts on my heart for them. It has been the most wonderful experience and God is always there to give me the words, the insight and the verses to share with the callers. I feel that he has equipped me perfectly for this role. The other thing that amazes me is how the directs the calls to the prayer partners. More times than not, I will hear a prayer partner on a call and think "Oh, not sure how I would have answered that one" and I listen to the person who got the call go on to relate in some special way to the callers need. God's presence in that room and with those phone calls is so evident that it takes my breath away and leaves me in amazement.

Think of all that I would have missed had I talked myself out of saying "Yes". Our Father is not going to ask us to do anything we aren't capable of doing, He prepares us and gives us the tools we need to do the task requested. Praise God!!

Saying Yes to God

God is telling me it's time to say 'Yes'. I just recently read Anything, the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul by jennie allen. Great book, very inspiring. Long story, but while searching for that book, I came across What happens when women say Yes to God by Lysa TerKeurst.  I bought that one to read after I finished Anything.
I then found out from my online prayer group that P31 ministries were starting an online bible study this week on Saying Yes. I struggle a bit with P31 these days. I was hoping to be part of a small group when doing this study, but they have put me on a waiting list. I couldn't find any info on how to join a small group until it was too late, so that was a disappointment. I've started reading the book. So far it seems a bit basic and I was questioning if this was really for me, but that might just be the enemy trying to distract me, so I will 'say yes' and proceed with the bible study.

Yesterday, I watched the video. I had already read chapter 1, so tonight I will re-read it and see what today's assignment is. The study is for 6 weeks, lets see how it goes. I do have to say in following some of the links, I came across what they call "verse mapping' which is to write out a verse that God is showing me on an index card and then reflect on it throughout the day, making notes on the card and a short prayer.

My bible study today was really incredible. I have been listening to the daily readings through the new Portico app, which has been really great. Today's reading was Habakkuk and John 8. I sat down to listen and I felt a stirring to get my Bible handbook. I needed to have an understanding of the context of the book before listening to it. Then I felt lead to read my Jesus Calling devotional before starting the other reading. I heard the Spirit telling me that I'd get more out of my reading if I read the devotion first. the devotion was based on Habakkuk! Yes, God is speaking to me and telling me I need to say 'Yes'!!

Letter to my prayer group for the new year

I pray everyone had a wonderful Christmas and rung in the new year safely.  R & B your dinners both sound yummy although I'd probably prefer B's... He he...

C, I'm glad your tooth is more bearable and glad to hear your sales were good. When Derek was out of work there were many months his eBay sales kept us afloat as God blessed us with good sales and merchandise to sell.

And now we're into the new year. Like you R, I also love the new year. To me its a time to reflect on what God has done in my life the past 12 months and to contemplate what his direction appears to be for the months to come. I like to take a couple of days vacation so I can focus without the distractions of Christmas activity and the pressures of work.

This year instead of resolutions I have set priorities with a plan on how to reach them.

Goal #1 is sort of an overview goal that breaks down to three specific goals, that is to finish some of the things I started last year. In reflection last year was a year of starts but not a lot of follow through. The two major exceptions was keeping active with this group and I had a very successful year at work. God has blessed me mightily in that area.

Specific goals:

My health- God gave me the tools for this last year and I made few good starts but allowed myself to get distracted from the plan. I've made progress with the gluten free but my weight is as high as ever. There are two major events this year and I am determined to be as healthy as possible for them. I'm following a book called Never Say Diet by Chantelle Hobbs. She has a Christian approach to getting healthy and I know this is the plan God has given me. I'd really love to have an accountability partner if any of you ladies are interested. That's one of my prayer requests for the new year.

Ministry - late last year I felt God guiding me towards volunteering for the prayer lines at our local Christian television station. I started the training in December and hope to finish it off this week. They require a commitment of a minimum of 4 hours per week. This is way outside my comfort zone but I am really excited about it. I've felt a huge desire towards missions but logistically it's not feasible nor does it fit with where God has me right now, but this seems like God's answer to that desire.

Finances - I made lots of not so good decisions last year and set us back financially. This year I need to get brutal with setting my budget and sticking to it. We have been blessed with a wonderful home and great jobs that pay well but I have been indulgent instead of diligent and have accumulated debt that needs to be paid down. Please pay for strength and discipline in this area. I plan tho talk to Derek about

God's Faithfulness

So I woke up this morning with the realization that the enemy has been attacking me and winning. I started off my prayers with a request for God to help me today to be strong and rely on him to win the battle. Yesterday I started a new Bible study focusing on removing the toxicity from our lives. Here is the message for today:

To battle against your toxic thoughts, you must identify and reject them. As 2 Corinthians 10 tells us, the battle against our toxic thoughts is like none other. It is not a physical battle, but rather it is a spiritual battle that requires God's help in fighting.

What are some of the causes of toxic thoughts in your life?

How is that for an answer? One of the biggest areas of toxic thoughts is the idea I need/want foods that are harming me. Satan has been attacking me and winning!

Back in the saddle

Here I am, back again. For the most part my food journey has been going well. I've had a few stumbles with the gluten but I've been going strong on the caffeine. I get tempted occasionally but God has kept me strong.
I went for my physical and that was good but she's still concerned about my blood pressure. She wants to see me in 3 months and wants me to seriously work on losing some weight. I want to set a goal and really work towards reaching it by Oct 15. That is my prayer this week. That God will show me what my goal should be and guide me to it.
I went for a long hike yesterday on my day off as a start to get back into my exercising. Tonight I have a date with the treadmill.

Thankful thursday

It's quarter end at work and the next 2 days are about to get crazy. Praying each day for God's guidance and peace.
I've had success with the caffeine and am doing better with the gluten. Exercise, not so much. Each day I say I'll get back on track but so far I haven't done it. I'm not beating myself up about it, just trying to be honest. I know the caffeine was a big thing. All the dental stuff was also big. The root canal was finished last night and that's all for a while. I've been very shaky & scared over all this work, last night was the worst when he tried to work on my tooth without any freezing. That didn't go well, but all worked out.
Realistically, I think for this week I need to celebrate my successes, analyze my next steps for next week and just be content knowing this is just a couple of weeks in my new lifelong journey. Thanks Lord for your peace, wisdom and love.

Day 3 - caffeine + root canal = tough night

So today will be my 3rd day sans caffeine. Praise God it has not been particularly challenging. The headache started before bed on Sunday and I took a migraine pill. That was the worst night, then Monday was pretty rough. Made it through thanks to a steady stream of Advil.

Monday night my I had my root canal scheduled. It's always easier than I expect it to be. Lots of prayer while sitting in that chair!! And thanks that I have a dentist I like and trust. Last night was tough again but easier than Sunday. Now hopefully I am over the worst of it. I just tell myself that this has to be the last time I do this to myself. I have been convinced for some time now of the negative impacts of caffeine on my body. It is evident in the withdrawals I go through. I have started to think of caffeine like smoking. It's bad for me and simply not worth it.

Tonight I get back to my exercise again too.

Today is the Day

So the day is finally here. God willing today is the day I say goodbye to caffeine's control over my life. The time has come to move to the next step on this journey of change. It is a very scary step. I have tried this many times and failed but this time I know I can have victory because God is going before me, to fight for me and with me. Thank you Lord.

Last week was a lost week while we were away. I did do a fair amount of walking but no formal exercise time. When we got back work was crazy busy with a 3 day workout session. I probably should have pushed through but I'm not losing any sleep over it. It is what it is and I'm okay with it. Now on to a new week and a new step.

I've got his number

Today is starting off a bit rough. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he adjusted my neck but it's still really sore. It interrupted my sleep so here I am, sitting on the couch exhausted with the heating pad on my neck. I have a presentation meeting @ 9 with sales, so need to be on time today.

I was good yesterday, I called the dentist and made the appointment for my root canal. I need to make an appointment for my physical and I think I'll get her to refer me for massage for my neck. The new insurance company will only pay if referred by a doctor.

I'm feeling like I'm just a bundle of aches today. The more I reflect on it the more I think its just an enemy attack trying to throw me off my game. Sorry. I've got your number now, won't work!!

Wednesday Update

Halfway through week 4 and on track. I had a great break through Monday. I had my dentist appointment scheduled for Monday night to start getting my work done. I knew I'd be home late and wouldn't want to exercise. I figured I had 3 options - work out in the morning, go to the community center after work or just suck it up and exercise when I got home. I prayed a lot and God gave me the strength to get up early and exercise before work!! Wow, it felt tremendous, what a note to start the week!!

Last night I was out late at the mall unexpectedly. I didn't get in my walking at home but since I spent over an hour walking in the mall I guess that counts. Today I've got the chiropractor before work then out with the gang for Diane's 50th tonight so it's my scheduled night off.

Ok so now about the dentist. I really don't know why I'm so reluctant. On Monday he started the work, doing my lower right side. It's a little sensitive still but seems to be okay. When I think about it, I'm really happy to be getting it done. It's actually a great relief. Next step is the root canal, I have to make the appointment for that.

Friday I have the day off. It's the weekend for Derek's Mego Meet in Wheeling WV. We stop off in Niagara Falls to pick up the storable food shipment, then on to WV for Friday & Saturday. Sunday we head out to Florence, Kentucky to visit the Creation Museum. Perry has invited us to dinner Sunday night and then Monday we get a tour of the Answers in Genesis offices. The weekend will be busy but a lot of fun. God continues to open doors with the AIG group.

So that's a bit of my week. Lots more going on at work and home, too much to write this morning //:-) for now I have to finish up and get ready for my busy day!! Talk later.

Friday Victory

It's Friday and I've had another successful week. I shocked Derek and pleased myself last night when I got up after a late dinner and some TV to exercise before bed!! It was 9:30 and I knew I needed to exercise but had been moving slow all night and was tired. At 9:30 I realized it was now or never so I moved my sorry butt, put on my running shoes and told Derek I'd see him in 30 mins. I put on my headphones, keyed up an episode of Undercover Boss on my iPhone and off I went. The half hour passed before I knew it. As an added kicker, Robert was downstairs with me the whole time! (I have a thing about people watching me exercise or weigh myself)

Yesterday at lunch the whole weight loss thing came up and I shared quite a bit about my new change. I am getting more open - at least a bit more - about the role my faith plays in my plan. I am confident by this time next year I will be a lot more fit and a lot more slender, so I guess I'm setting the groundwork now for the questions I know will come and the explanations I'll be asked to share. I'm not good at sharing my faith in the work environment but I know God will give me the words if I ask.

Today will be a crazy day as its month end, but then I have the weekend before me. Lots to do at home getting the kitchen back together after Derek's work he did last week.

Yesterday Jan called me to tell me the townhouse is up for sale. It was very surreal to look at pictures of our old home a couple of years later. Pictures that were taken by someone else. It doesn't look like they made any changes at all. I guess that's a testimony to the work we did.

Wednesday Update

Well here I am halfway through the 3rd week. I've stumbled a few days with the exercise but am finding this week easier. Actually I think I'm starting to enjoy it a bit more. Monday was pretty muggy so I switched it up and exercised in the pool for my 1/2 hour. That made a nice change.

My choice is no choice

Last week was pretty hard. I forced myself to exercise Monday thru Wednesday. By Thursday I convinced myself that it would be one of my days off and I'd workout Saturday Instead. Well we all know where that went.

I prayed, I read, I asked God to show me where I was going wrong. I did my bible study on change and how to make Godly choices. But I still didn't know how to overcome my weakness in choosing unhealthy foods. I was strong one day then completely caved the next. I understand that change comes from a thousand little decisions all in the same direction, but I want victory in my choices.

Then yesterday God answered. My focus was wrong. I was focussing on choosing between different foods or whether to exercise when my choice needed to be no choice. I needed to realize that all choices have already been made. Exercising is NOT optional; eating right is NOT optional. God has blessed me with another day of life and a body that works and I need to honor that by using them to their fullest. Each day I need to strive to be my best and the choice has been made. I made one BIG choice that supersedes the little ones.

So Monday I reveled in the fact I can once again garden and Tuesday night I pushed past my stiff muscles and did my 30 mins on the treadmill. As for my food choices, focussing on my big choice will keep me in line day to day and each day I do that will make the next one easier and more natural.

Thank you Lord for answering my calls and showing me your truth! Be with me and give me strength for today. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.