I have been spending a lot more time in prayer these days, especially dealing with Robert's impending mission. And I have been hearing God a lot. Has it been more? Has it been clearer? That I really can't say with certainty. I talk to God a lot and I know that I hear his voice regularly, so I don't know that that has really changed. Upon reflection, I think it's more that I am hearing the messages that aren't as palatable a bit more clearly. God is calling me to 'step it up a notch' and I am hearing those messages more. I don't think the messages are new, I think my attitude has changed and I'm realizing I need to listen and obey on those points too. Maybe in the past I have been too quick to disregard, or rationalize them off, or simply & frankly ignore them. Sorry LORD, I realize that you have been calling me and I have chosen to say 'no'. Today, I am saying 'yes' knowing that it is beyond me and calling on you to help me to be obedient. I realize that you are correct, you have given me all the tools that I need, and have provided guidance and help, but I have have nonchalantly been going my own way instead of following your path.
Yesterday, God got my attention. I was driving home and had our local news station on the radio. This is what I always listen to on the way home. But something in my spirit urged me to change to the Christian radio station. At first I gave a light protest - it's always just music at this time, I don't particularly like the music they play. The nudge continued so I switched over. After a few ads, In Touch came on. I had been hoping for Walk in the Word. Again I was tempted to change the channel but stopped. The message started and I realized it was about health. How God cares not only for our spiritual and emotional health, but also for our physical bodies. Ok, my physical body is currently in bad shape. Pastor was talking about how our bodies will be resurrected like Christ's body was. I had never heard this before and frankly I'm not sure I believe this, but a terrible thought came into my head. God said to me, what if when you're resurrected you are resurrected in your current body. Is this how you want to present yourself to me? Is that how you want to be for eternity? Shock & horror at that moment was overwhelming. I realized God was calling me to much better that I am settling for. I need to get healthy and lose weight. God is giving me a direction and it is very clear and I need to say YES. But it is also very scary. I don't know that I can do it. In fact that's not true - I feel that I really can't do it, that I am weak and undisciplined and will surely fail. But everything I'm reading is telling me that God will help me and give me the strength. He will prop me up and help me. Will he give me the self-discipline? I'm not sure about that, I think that has to come from me, but I do know that if I can learn to lean on him and follow his guiding, I can and will succeed. I know that he has given me the tools - a naturopath who has outlined a diet and exercise plan, access to healthy nourishing food, the knowledge and tools to prepare the food he has provided, a membership to the fitness centre, a husband who is supportive. But I still have to say that this is really scary to me right now. When do I start? Does this mean I can't have a drink once in a while? How strict does this have to be? Where exactly do I start? The enemy is attacking me over this, bringing in self-doubt and a lot of questions. I will choose to ask God to guide me in my choices TODAY! I will listen and CHOOSE to follow him. I will acknowledge that it IS his voice and remember I need to say YES.
I need a lot of prayer around this!! I need a few verses and to remember that if I am obedient I will be amazed at the results.