This has been one of the hardest weeks I can remember. I don't even know why it's been so hard, except to speculate that God is teaching me a lesson I really need to learn and it is HARD!!
I am confident that God has called my son to spend a year volunteering in the US. So far everything has fallen into place except for his visa. Twice this past week we have spent the day trying to get this completed. Day 1 was at the US consulate where I later found out his visa application was denied. That was Monday. Wednesday we spend the day at the US/Canada border trying to get it straightened out.
Admittedly Monday was a disappointment. Wednesday was too, but we got some valuable information that gives us other steps to try. I really feel that God warned me this step would be rocky. Before we even went on Monday, I was uneasy and had prayed about it a lot. God's answer was that hitting a snag was not a sign it wasn't his will and we weren't to give up, but to press on in faith. So I had been forewarned and given the next step. I put in lots of 'prayer hours' this week on this and consistently God is saying - Be still and know that I am God. He is telling me that this is another good learning step for my son. If this is the life he will eventually pursue than he needs these lessons. He needs experience dealing with officials, embassies and border personnel. This all makes sense. When I ask the 5 questions, I can see God's hand in this. Why has it been so hard for me? I don't know exactly, but it has.
Yesterday, he had to hand in his letter of resignation. Time had run out if he was to give them the full 2 weeks notice and still have time to get ready to leave and spend his last weekend with family instead of working. Again God urged me to have faith and trust him, but it was certainly a struggle to help him write that letter knowing the visa isn't resolved.
Again, I really don't know why. In the end, even if it all fell through, what is he really giving up? A dishwasher job 2 days a week. He has experience now and can get other work, so what is really the big deal? And the thing is, he's taking it in stride, it's me that is having the hard time to trust and let go.
After much soul searching, I know there is no question or option but to say YES LORD, I will be obedient and support him. I helped him write his letter. I haven't even voiced my concerns to him, only to my husband have I shared how hard this has been. And of course, to God. I have been honest with God. I have brought my concerns to him and waited for his answer. I have said Yes. I do trust him. Even if he closes this door, I will still trust him and obey him. I know that he loves my son even more that I do, and he has a plan to complete the good work that he started over 20 years ago in him. More than anything, I know that God's plan for him is soooo much better than any plan I could conceive of for him. So I will trust and wait on God. Thank you LORD for your patience with me. Thank you for listening and guiding me through this week, when so many times I have asked you "Say WHAT??'